


no match for a turtle

by withaflashoflove



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 09:55:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9486116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withaflashoflove/pseuds/withaflashoflove
Summary: Obligatory Westallen + McSnurtle fic





	

"Iris!"

Barry speeds in and walks over to the couch, where his girlfriend looks comfortably seated, blanket covering her thighs, a cup of tea in one hand and McSnurtle the Turtle resting on the blanket.

"Hey babe," she says. He leans down to place a kiss on her lips, before walking around and taking a seat next to her.

"Missed you," he smiles.

"Missed you too," she answers sweetly, leaning in for another kiss.

As soon as their lips meet for the second time, his hand migrates over to her thigh, coming to rest next to McSnurtle.

It's then, in between the stolen Eskimo kisses and mumbles that Barry feels a sharp bite to his finger.

"Ow!"

Quickly, he pulls his hand back.

Iris stares at him. "...you okay?"

He looks down to eye McSnurtle, who seems to be staring aimlessly at the TV, apparently intrigued with whatever documentary Iris had on. But Barry knows his nervous system didn't decide to suddenly go rogue.

"I think...I think it bit me," Barry frowns, bringing his finger to his mouth and gently sucking on it. H.R. wasn't kidding about the bites, though usually McSnurtle didn't act up.

Really, it was the best pet they could've gotten. After this turtle, dogs and cats seemed far too overrated.

But biting wasn't really in the horizons and Barry didn't understand why the sudden change of personality.

"Did you accidently prod it?" Iris asks.

I don't think so." He holds his reddened finger to Iris, and sure enough, she sees shallow bite marks where the turtle inevitably latched to his skin.

Slowly, she reaches over and takes his finger, pressing a tender kiss to the bruised area. "All better?" she asks, a twinkle in her eye.

"Healing powers are no match for your kisses, Iris West" Barry responds, forgetting all about the bite and leaning into her again, his uninjured hand reaching over to cup her cheek.

But once again, as his hand lands on her thigh, Barry feels another sharp sting to his middle finger this time around.

He breaks the kiss even quicker, jumping to his feet.

"It bit me!" he exclaims, a mix of offense and annoyance in his voice.

Iris's eyes shift between Barry and McSnurtle.

"Babe..." she says, her hand coming to lift the turtle off the blanket, "I don't think it has a vendetta against you."

"But it bit me!"

"Are you sure you're not bothering it?"

"Iris!" Barry gapes, "I can't believe you're defending the turtle!"

"It doesn't usually bite!" 

She brings her lips to its shell, gently stroking its head in the process.

Barry has to fight the urge to roll his eyes.

"Barry."

He looks up from his now two bruised fingers. "Hmm?"

"Sit back down."

"No."

"Barry!"

"It'll bite again!"

Iris  _does_ roll her eyes, her patience far less than his. She sets her mug on the table and reaches out for his hand, pulling him back on the couch.

"Just sit. We'll watch it for a bit."

He frowns. 

"It'll be okay." She brushes a stray piece of hair back in place. "Plus if it bites again, I'll nurse you back to health."

"Where would I be without you?" he smiles, his arm coming to drape around her shoulder.

They situate themselves on the couch, Iris's legs migrating over Barry's, his legs resting underneath hers, one arm around her shoulder, the other holding her free hand. In between them rests McSnurtle.

And they're too lost in each other to notice the turtle, Iris tracing the freckles along Barry's face, Barry rubbing his hand on her shoulder, then brushing aside her hair and drawing small patterns on her collarbone.

Out of the corner of his eye though, Barry catches McSnurtle's gaze, the turtle having moved from Iris's lap to his, eyeing him.

His hand stills.

"Iris..." Barry catches her attention, and her eyes follow his, landing on the turtle.

"It's...it's staring me down..."

"Bear, don't be ridiculous."

"Are you looking at it?!" he counters, his arm falling from Iris's shoulder, "look at it!"

"It likes you, Bear!"

"It  _USED_ to!"

She shakes her head, letting go of his hand. "I know you deal with a lot of criminals and evil metas. But this is a turtle, babe. A turtle that we've had for a week who hasn't fussed about anything!"

"I know I know. But...just look at it."

When Iris looks down again, McSnurtle's back to watching the documentary, and Iris can't help the sigh that escapes her lips. "It's probably annoyed you keep distracting it."

"I think it's jealous," he concludes.

And that's when she thinks she's started to hear things, not capable of believing her boyfriend just described their turtle as  _jealous._

"You need to sleep."

"It's jealous of me!"

"Barry!" Iris stares at him, "why on earth would it be jealous?"

He doesn't speak for a moment. After a few seconds goes by, his eyes meet hers again, and defiantly, he proclaims, "it doesn't want me kissing or touching you."

She shuts her eyes tight.

He jumps off the couch again.

"Alright, West. Make your decision. It's either the boyfriend or the turtle."

"You cannot be serious, Barry Allen."

"I am serious!" Barry all but jumps in the living room. "It's jealous!"

"It's a turtle!!" Iris exclaims, "it doesn't know how to be jealous!"

"Okay okay, just think about it."

Barry sits back down, on the far  _far_ edge of the couch, away from the reach of McSnurtle. "Who spends more time with it?"

"You do," Iris answers bluntly.

He pauses. "And who plays with it more?"

"You do."

"I do not."

"Barry, you've brought it to bed with us the past two nights," she deadpans.

That seems to distract him from his thoughts.

"And sometimes you say hi to the turtle before you say hi to me."

He pouts. "It's closer to the door."

"It's a  _turtle_ ," Iris repeats the phrase.

"Greetings don't count as play."

"Yes, but it sees more of you than it does of me."

"All the more reason to be jealous. Its time with you is limited."

"You are impossible."

Barry smirks. "Quite literally, huh?"

It's then that Iris stands up, having had enough of the conversation. She walks over to the table and sets the turtle back down in its habitat, arranging it so that the TV is still in visible sight.

"I'm going to sleep," she says as she spins around.

"Wait wait!" He gets up and walks over to her. "I just got home."

"Interviews don't wait for speedsters," Iris smiles, leaning up to kiss her boyfriend, "I've got an early day."

She pulls away, but he keeps hold of her hand. "I'll join then."

"So soon?" she asks.

"Yeah, I could use the extra sleep. Plus," he smiles bashfully, "it's no fun without your company."

"Mmmm, you have McSnurtle though."

"No, it hates me."

"Barry."

"It does," he repeats.

"And you've concluded this because...?"

"Because it wants you all to itself and I won't let it happen."

She exasperatedly pulls away from him, briskly walking to the bedroom. 

Sometimes, even after knowing him all of these years, she still didn't understand the extent of his silliness.

Barry follows her steps, shutting off all the lights, but keeping the TV on because even if the turtle hated him, he loved it and it was his pet and it was precious when it wasn't trying to steal his girlfriend.

Once in bed, Iris snuggles closer to him, her arm looping around his waist. "I can't believe you think that turtle is jealous of you."

"I'm certain."

"Are you now?"

"Yep." He pauses to kiss her hair. "I have all the evidence I need."

"...isn't there a scientific method that says observation, then experimentation, then revision? You know, to make sure your results are accurate."

"This is the exception."

"Is it?"

He nods.

She laughs. Because really, this whole thing was as much amusing as it was frustratingly adorable.

"Okay babe," Iris smiles against his chest, "but please don't let me come home to find our turtle gone tomorrow."

"No promises."

He'll let Iris have a say in the decision, of course, but he definitely can't compete with a turtle over Iris's affection.

He's pretty sure she'd pick him over the turtle. 

(Maybe).


End file.
